My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
