why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
