i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
