I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
