it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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