We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
