She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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