I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize