Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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