saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
