Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
