we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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