You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize