The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
