maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I looked at my own cervix.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
