I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
