And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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