party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
