The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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