right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
