just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
