I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
