so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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