I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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