I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
