remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
