Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
