hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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