hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
