Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize