Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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