my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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