Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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