she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How naked do you want me to be?
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