I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
