is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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