We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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