Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
