why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
