After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize