youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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