Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
