toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize