Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize