I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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