i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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