About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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