do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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