If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
