Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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