I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
