So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
where am i from again
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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