Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
