Cold hands, warm shart.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
