Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
