I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
