Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
