My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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