I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
