Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
