Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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