so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
