Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
